NEWSFLASH

LOLITA GOES LOCO!!!

The police believe that China Doll Loli is the alter-ego of law-abiding Didi Ahmad. The authorities are still trying to piece together the events that led to the rampage of today but believe her retreat into another personality to be a result of victimization, of social pressure and unwanted advice. Meanwhile, the carnage continues as all otaku and men succumb to their lolita complexes and join her army for world domination.

Her demands are simple. Surrender or die. America has spearheaded the counter-assault, assuming automatic control of the world's armed forces in normal arrogant fashion. However, the growing anime and manga fanbase around the world is increasing at an exponential rate and some justifiably fear for their lives. Should China Doll Loli's takeover be successful the world as we know it could be altered forever. Political analysts and experts foresee either total anarchy or an extent of dictatorship unknown and not experienced in all history, even challenging American domination in the present.

People are warned to stay away from China Doll Loli a.k.a Didi Ahmad and to be aware of which personality they are approaching if they should meet. China Doll Loli typically has bangs and straight hair, and sports various Lolita looks according to mood. If approached by a goth-lolita please proceed carefully and stay calm. If confronted by a sweet loli do not be alarmed, but do not let your guard down. If she shows signs of rage, it is possible to appease her with chocolate or other confectionery. Didi Ahmad, on the other hand, can also be dangerous but is more likely to stay calm rather than attack. She has a side-parting and usually wears t-shirts and jeans. Authorities warn that she is very unstable, however, and that there is a possibility of other personalities making an appearance.

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:possible headlines should my parents infuriate me tonight beyond reason