damn my woefully massive inferiority complex
i think it comes with twin territory.. all that comparison can't be good for a person
and when it extends to other siblings it just gets worse

at what point is my character no longer coming from me but from other people's perceptions of me? it surely is a 2-way dialogue of negotiation, and while that pisses me off its unavoidable.
how much of me is the way it is because i want other people to think that of me... etc

god it just makes me want to be a hermit

on the inside and outside at the same time. bleh. like im not really there.

if i had a superpower.. i'd be invisible girl. and like all superheroes, it wouldn't hv been my choice.