breaking the silence

If i could change my state of mind then i would
disappear

Why can't i realize that I'm fighting for my life? 

You're everything I thought you never were
And nothing like I thought you could have been
But still you live inside of me 
So tell me how is that possible

I'll never be the one you understand, the one who
understands u, 
the one who knows forever

no choice but to go on automatic
heart like an engine
every beat like mileage
the lies connect the beats
the misuse bringing me closer to rusting away

from afar, seems i have it all
but it doesn't mean anything