No Fit State

so finally i find the time to come back here and write something....
as they say.. reluctance to begin is quick to befriend procrastination.
.
.
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yep.. pretty true...
but anyway Happy New Year for anyone reading.. the end of 2008 and beginning of 2009 was abit of a mad rush really and I'm finding lately I'm busier than ever.. though really that's my own fault.
I think i just about managed to avoid mental meltdown... but I wouldn't bet on that continuing.

have i made any resolutions? well not really
Though I have said goodbye to my last cig.. hopefully =S
and I'm working harder...
...which actually isn't working out so bad.

New Year always brings with it a moment of self-reflection. Those moments where you think long and hard about where you've come from, where you are now, and where you want to be.
"Reality moves eternally forward from conclusion to conclusion"
That's really about the only thing that you can count on =p
But that's besides the point.
The point is..... oh great.. I've forgotten the point of this post.. haha
well.. i don't think there is a point really so i'll just ramble on... hope i don't bore you to death

so.. i was talkin to a friend.. and a big theme was regret.
shoulda woulda coulda
well.. that was going through my mind.. what was going through his is private =p
but it made me think of what if things had been different.
which is a useless thing to do..
at the same time, it made me think of acceptance.
How far are some people willing to go for the person they love.
..or.. how far are you willing to go for something you believe in...

It was all very upsetting really and i can't really say why.
I've been existing in a state where people thought i was happy....and where i hoped that by pretending it would eventually be the case
and ditto for my friend except for the hope it'd turn true bit

its strange coz we're living in exciting times..times surely to be of historical significance
a point on which the future may hinge on
belief systems in disintegration
a first black president
the emergence of china and all that comes with it..

have we reached the pinnacle? is this it?
clearly not
how do u touch and capture the intangible? =p
bleh.. in no fit state