mired in insanity

I am....

a whirlpool of thoughts

a flash flood of emotions

a prediction of stormy weather ahead

*starcrossed*

stuck in static, I move forward in time but the past hounds me and the future intrudes on the present;
conspirators whispers spread maliciousness.
moments of clarity flash like lightening, briefly illuminating but highlighting exactly how dark black can be.
a noxious cloud of uncertainty and doubts suck the optimism out of me.
society, polluted and dragged down by those with money and do nothing with it
education, a catchphrase of the political; in reality an illusion
action, a figment of imagination which people pretend to strive for but never achieve

parents should be re-educated. shown that they need to produce a generation of global citizens not slacker bums. Who will care if we don't?
Society needs to open its eyes and re-evaluate the currently prevailing mores and values. In a situation where modernization is progressing so slowly we might as well be moving backwards in time, they'd rather preserve their holier-than-thou attitude than actually do something good for the economy/country. When everybody knows that those who can make a difference probably have the worst laundry there is.
And when are people going to realize there are bigger problems than this to be concerned about rather than petty scandals. If they are going to concern themselves with insignificance why not put all that misplaced energy to use and actually protest at the appalling state of things. Really, is the knowing who's who, or who's going out with who, more important than world events? Do we really think if something doesn't affect us personally there wont be any consequences or implications for us? Maybe if there were a semblance of a nightlife here, or if we were able to actually go out and do things in the open rather than furtively, people would mind their own business.... on the other hand maybe not considering that is the culture. Either way it is a comment on the systemic closedmindedness and willful ignorance that I'm forced to experience everyday.

*you think your mind is open.. but it isn't*


slowly, i begin to see the flaws in what i once thought was good and perfect. It isn't a good feeling. I work hard to gain respect and trust, but never seem to get close to gaining it. If i were striving for the heavens, I'm starting to realize what is the point? Might as well get a little closer to hell where it's warm and less judgmental. What does it take to prove yourself?
Coz the effort is driving me insane.

love me and i'll love you =p haha

flashback

It just came to me a while ago that the previous post was incomplete.
Over the KL trip and the last month or so there have been loooaadds of... 'lessons', if you will. Some ironic. Some hurtful. Some just downright weird and funny. Here's a few:

When pursuing what appears to be single girls in the club, don't hesitate to go for it. However, in the event that males who are so obviously their significant others make an appearance, do not hesitate to abort the mission. =p Trust your instincts, just like rats will jump ship at the first signs of imminent doom, so should you in this given situation.
Some signs of inevitable failure are if the girls do not gyrate to your rhythm or do not show any interest. Another obvious one is if they start to dance with people they seem to be very familiar with. Easy enough signals to read, receive and react on unless you are a certain somebody. =D
Oh yes, and if your friends start to get horrified looks on their face, thats also another sign that things are not going well and an immediate withdrawal should be made hehe

Another one is (though some of the principles given above can be used) do not let guys/girls deceive you with pretty words and persuasive/seductive actions. If they do not include you in their life, or give it to you straight, its best to just cut your losses asap and start looking for someone new. There is absolutely no point in lingering over what is obviously a losing battle in the first place. I urge anyone to just get straight to the point, face the issue and find out the truth. If the other person shies away or gives a crappy, all over the pace, wishy washy answer... just forget it. You know what you want. If they don't, thats their problem. Wish them well and get the hell away. Some things are just not worth it.

When you find what you want, or find something good, hold on to it. Whatever it takes. oh yeah, honesty is usually always the best policy. =p works for me haha
There's also no use in waiting for fun to come to you, you make things fun.

err... hmm.. can't be bothered to think anymore.. haha

Stay in school and be thankful everyday =p
wuuuuvvvv 678

behind the vertigo

vertigo: a dizzying sensation of tilting within stable surroundings or of being in tilting or spinning surroundings

summer has yet to peak, but I've already reached vertiginous heights from which I never want to come back down from.
kick-started the summer with a short trip to KL....
note to self: next time bring own towel....
learnt a few things....
like how to rough it haha though that is debatable considering i brought my own hair straightener but still... no separate shower cubicle in the bathroom??? unexpected..unexperienced... and.. oh yes, next time i should bring sandals in the event i should come across this again. Thank god i came away from the experience without athletes foot or some other yucky fungus....
and something that puzzled me was the fact that a brand new club had squatting toilets... =S
crossed a few things off my "To-do list" ;)
one of which was.. how does it feel to have a severe allergic reaction which really, was quite interesting; the whole difficulty in breathing and blurry vision was sorta scary sorta compelling. Rushed to a clinic, after puking my guts out by some taxis, got a jab and some meds and i was good to go.. haha.. i still don't know what did that to me tho.. hmm....
the rest of the "to-do list" is under a strict *what happens in KL stays in KL* policy.. unless you ask me and I'm ok with telling you ;) haha
well.. overall the trip was one huge adventure and thats all that counts...

after that things just got better n better... got accepted into Bristol...

while the parents are away, the cat will play ;)
out and about
doing what i can
falling, tumbling, freewheeling into happiness

=D